Above heading spells it all, right from the very bottom of my heart. Sometimes, I would just think alot and thinking why didn't I have a goal in life or why am I dangling around acting like nothing is being set for me. Each time I think deeper, I would feel that my life is totally useless.. I mean till now I dunno what I really want in my life... Feeling empty sometimes and dreading this feeling. Have many dreams but I lack of courage to bring me up for it. Now, the problem is I dun even know what is my purpose in life, like seriously.. I feel there is so much more but yet I can't visualized it! I don't have that complete vision in life that sets me going. Maybe I should just be stuck in my own little, mundane world with hardly anybody to talk to or maybe by talking heart to heart with my parents only at the most. I know some of my friends have their goals or targets they wanna achieve and Im happy for them but for me? Sigh, now im ranting about my life but sometimes it can't be helped! I needa let it all out.. thats why probably blogging is still the best for me to let out all my feelings (:
Okay less of the rantings....
I really need to improve myself and keep on telling myself to stop splurging on things which are unnecessary.. but it is hard to control at times especially when Im really bored and I have nothing, no events yada yada yada... I constantly need retail therapy and I know too much of it is no good. I tried to control but its so difficult, no wonder im so broke always ._. I really need to stop spending and save in case of raining days or I could put the money to better use like going on travelling which I yearn for always, just doing the things I like... But but.. Its really hard. Okay I will try my best k? But no pinky promises yet hahaha.
But there are so many things Im grateful for, like for my family, stable financial security, and many many in my life. Really. Im thankful but I need to be more contented! (:
Few days ago, a friend asked me have I ever go clubbing before? I said no and then this friend says is it because you have no friends to go with.. Okay.. my answer to him then was silent but actually partly yes. I do not have many guy friends now prolly because I feel I more closer to the girls in a way that I can relate to them better. Not lesbian kay! hahaha Its the same between men to men talk but now its woman to woman talk LOL. I also yearn for a sweet and romantic relationship with guys also kayyy hahaha don't get it wrong.. hehehe. Guess, now its not the right time for me. Im not close with my secondary school boys as well as the boys in poly except for some.. something is really wrong with me right?!? hahaha but I guess friends be it a male or female, we need this thing called "fate" too. I feel that not because I have little guy friends, its because most of them likes to hang out with pretty ladies ( I guess Im not one of them, but heck). I seriously can tell easily. And sometimes, I feel guys shun me easily, maybe thats part of my wrong perception but still mostly I get it right. Or maybe Im wrong in a way also la... I feel that I have low self esteem, shy when facing people like maybe guys... thats why Im somewhat not connected to people easily, which poses a problem in me finding a boyfriend also. Not desperate or what, just saying. Sigh.. okay back to my topic thats why I don't go clubbing unless its with my girlfriends because they also wanted to experience it for the first time. But I can confirm is that most guys who goes clubbing are not serious in a relationship. Be warnful of girls out there who thinks that by going clubbing you will easily get a boyfriend (catch). Its easy but u have to open your eyes to see carefully and don't fall to their prey who only wants your body and not your heart. That's my advice to girls out there.. (:
Oh my I have blogged alot... thats all for today! goodnight and have a good week! ^.^Y
TATA
XX
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